Those of you who know Kozinn family well, would expect nothing less of us than to beat the competition at its own game. After seeing the promotion for Jos. A Bank clothiers on “Saturday Night Live,” I decided that enough was enough! In case you didn’t see their “commercial” click to view the video or click the image below:
Not to be outdone by an inferior product, we’re going to double their offer! Buy one suit and get six free! But, you ask, how can we possibly do this (and stay in business)?
1. Lower my staff’s wages.
I’ve asked them all, in the spirit of teamwork, to take one hour’s pay for six hours of work. (If you’re thinking that you’ll get only one stitch from them where you might expect six, don’t worry, I’ll be watching them like a hawk!)
2. Gowanus Cloth™
Building on the newfound passion for local manufacturing (Have you tried Brooklyn Gin?) and a grant from Mayor de Blasio’s new Department of Communal Gentrification, artisanal weaving comes to the banks of the Gowanus Canal. We’ll be giving the unemployed a chance for a new life by paying them to gather pet hair from the hordes of molting Park Slope cats and dogs. Gowanus Cloth™ combines the best of recycling and craftsmanship. (Only those with facial hair, wearing fedoras ironically need apply.)
While not exactly Super 100’s—the International Wool Bureau actually classifies Gowanus Cloth™ as Super 3’s— the fabric is finished with “water” pumped from the Canal imparting a unique lubricant that makes it virtually wrinkle free!
This “Buy One, Get Six Free” offer expires March 31. So hurry in to Saint Laurie!
Happy April Fool’s Day!